Just keep swimming

Quotes that occurred from my mom tonight

“You’re depressed? Well when things are going your way you don’t seem so depressed”

“Grow up”

“Work on being a little less screwed up”

“You aren’t as sick as you think you are”

My mom finds my laxatives in my shorts while doing laundry, and instead of throwing them away, she gives them back to me O.o

I told my mom….

   I’m not exactly sure what triggered it. It was just on my mind. We were in her room watching the closing Olympic ceremony, and she looks at me and says “you look like you wanna say something.” So I told her. She reacted really calmly to the whole thing. Almost too calmly, like it wasn’t a big deal to her, like she wasn’t actually worried about me, but at the same time, she now talks to me like I’m some fragile doll that’s about to break. I don’t really understand.

   I guess the point is, is that I’m going to get counseling. I can’t tell you if this is a good thing or not, because I don’t know myself. I want to get better, but I NEED this control in my life. I honestly don’t know if it’ll be any help, but I’m willing to try I guess.

   All I hear in my head is …”you’re not sick enough for this”

…I’m not sick enough for this.

   Fatty.

My mom just asked me if I gained weight.-_-

I never want to eat again.

*Me and mom talking about health*

Mom:I think losing weight is “general health”. If you’re losing weight, you’re getting healthy.

Me: what about people with eating disorders? They lose weight, and it’s not healthy.

Mom: That’s the LAST thing we need to worry about in this family. People like us need to count calories.

She means well, but she’s the most triggering person in my family…